Physics, math, science and science fiction jokes

A photon walks into two bars.

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A policeman stops Dr. Schrodinger and asks to search his car. Next he says "Hey, doc, do you realize you have a dead cat in a box in the trunk?"

Annoyed, Schrodinger replies, "I do now."

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Overheard on the bridge of the Enterprise:

"Mr. Worf, fire at will!... Hey! What happened to Riker?"

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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain. but what if the Borg won't wear the nylons?"

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DS9/B5 Crossover scene:

Kira: Ambassador, what do you make of the Prophets?
Kosh: Amateurs!

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more later

A photon checks-in for a flight and is asked whether he has any luggage. "No. I'm travelling light."

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A neutron is stopped in the freeway.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I can tell you where I've been."
"You were doing 90 mph."
"Great! Now I'm lost."

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"Why was six afraid of seven?"

Bah, nevermind. I'll try harder and come back later =p

Bad at math so only have a few very elementary ones.

"Three mathematicians go hunting. The first sees a rabbit and shoots a foot high. The second takes a shot and shoots a foot low. The third exclaims 'We got him!'"

"A mathematician attempts to cross a river. To be safe, he takes several measurements and makes a bunch of calculations. He determines the river to average only 3' deep, well below his 6' height. So he started across and then he died."

OK, no more math ones from me, I promise =p

Quote: Face

Bad at math so only have a few very elementary ones.

Because seven eight nine ;)

I actually like that joke.

Quote:

OK, no more math ones from me, I promise =p

Aw!

A physicist is having no luck roasting chickens in his kitchen (say it three times fast!) He follows the recipes exactly, does everything for preparation and cooking, but the results are always terrible.

So he decides to research the problem and come up with a solution.

He gets the perfect solution, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
A: To get to the same side.

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Q: Who came up with Communism, a politician or a scientist?
A: A politician did. A scientist would have tried it out on mice first.

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2+2=5 for very large values of 2.

Quote: Nareed

A photon checks-in for a flight and is asked whether he has any luggage. "No. I'm travelling light."

*groan*

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar ... and doesn't.

Quote:

"A mathematician attempts to cross a river. To be safe, he takes several measurements and makes a bunch of calculations. He determines the river to average only 3' deep, well below his 6' height. So he started across and then he died."

Maybe I'm a little slow, but I don't get it. Is it that the river was deeper than 6' in some spots, because 3' was only the average? Or did it have to do with the temperature of the water and/or speed of the current?

I...I stumped the Wizard?! O.o

J/k, and yeah, it's just an average thing =)

"The bartender says "we don't serve faster-than-light particles here.
A neutrino walls into a bar."

"Neutrino. Knock, knock"

I could tell a whole bunch of neutrino jokes, but they'd probably go right through you

;)

Quote: Face

I could tell a whole bunch of neutrino jokes, but they'd probably go right through you.

****groan*****

Quote: Wizard

****groan*****

That's as good as applause =D

"Biology is the only science in which multiplication and division mean the same thing"

"Did you hear the one about the pathogenic biologist? He made speeches all over the world, visited 30 different countries, and spoke 10 different languages. He was a man of many cultures."

And a bit risqué...

"Biologists are some of the most sexually depraved individuals out there. I once caught them observing zygotes and all these guys commented about was its cleavage. "