Physics, math, science and science fiction jokes

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February 6th, 2015 at 8:34:33 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
A photon walks into two bars.

---

A policeman stops Dr. Schrodinger and asks to search his car. Next he says "Hey, doc, do you realize you have a dead cat in a box in the trunk?"

Annoyed, Schrodinger replies, "I do now."

---

Overheard on the bridge of the Enterprise:

"Mr. Worf, fire at will!... Hey! What happened to Riker?"

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"Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?"

"I think so, Brain. but what if the Borg won't wear the nylons?"

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DS9/B5 Crossover scene:

Kira: Ambassador, what do you make of the Prophets?
Kosh: Amateurs!

---

more later
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 6th, 2015 at 3:42:10 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
A photon checks-in for a flight and is asked whether he has any luggage. "No. I'm travelling light."

--

A neutron is stopped in the freeway.
"Do you know how fast you were going?"
"No, but I can tell you where I've been."
"You were doing 90 mph."
"Great! Now I'm lost."

--
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 6th, 2015 at 4:08:19 PM permalink
Face
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Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 61
Posts: 3087
"Why was six afraid of seven?"

Bah, nevermind. I'll try harder and come back later =p
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 6th, 2015 at 4:26:03 PM permalink
Face
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Posts: 3087
Bad at math so only have a few very elementary ones.

"Three mathematicians go hunting. The first sees a rabbit and shoots a foot high. The second takes a shot and shoots a foot low. The third exclaims 'We got him!'"

"A mathematician attempts to cross a river. To be safe, he takes several measurements and makes a bunch of calculations. He determines the river to average only 3' deep, well below his 6' height. So he started across and then he died."

OK, no more math ones from me, I promise =p
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 6th, 2015 at 5:10:45 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
Quote: Face
Bad at math so only have a few very elementary ones.


Because seven eight nine ;)

I actually like that joke.


Quote:
OK, no more math ones from me, I promise =p


Aw!

A physicist is having no luck roasting chickens in his kitchen (say it three times fast!) He follows the recipes exactly, does everything for preparation and cooking, but the results are always terrible.

So he decides to research the problem and come up with a solution.

He gets the perfect solution, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum.

---

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip?
A: To get to the same side.

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Q: Who came up with Communism, a politician or a scientist?
A: A politician did. A scientist would have tried it out on mice first.

---

2+2=5 for very large values of 2.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 6th, 2015 at 7:43:45 PM permalink
Wizard
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Member since: Oct 23, 2012
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Quote: Nareed
A photon checks-in for a flight and is asked whether he has any luggage. "No. I'm travelling light."


*groan*

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar ... and doesn't.

Quote:
"A mathematician attempts to cross a river. To be safe, he takes several measurements and makes a bunch of calculations. He determines the river to average only 3' deep, well below his 6' height. So he started across and then he died."


Maybe I'm a little slow, but I don't get it. Is it that the river was deeper than 6' in some spots, because 3' was only the average? Or did it have to do with the temperature of the water and/or speed of the current?
Knowledge is Good -- Emil Faber
February 6th, 2015 at 8:38:01 PM permalink
Face
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Member since: Oct 24, 2012
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Posts: 3087
I...I stumped the Wizard?! O.o

J/k, and yeah, it's just an average thing =)
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 6th, 2015 at 8:45:14 PM permalink
Face
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Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 61
Posts: 3087
"The bartender says "we don't serve faster-than-light particles here.
A neutrino walls into a bar."

"Neutrino. Knock, knock"

I could tell a whole bunch of neutrino jokes, but they'd probably go right through you

;)
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 6th, 2015 at 8:46:34 PM permalink
Wizard
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Member since: Oct 23, 2012
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Quote: Face
I could tell a whole bunch of neutrino jokes, but they'd probably go right through you.


****groan*****
Knowledge is Good -- Emil Faber
February 6th, 2015 at 9:01:48 PM permalink
Face
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Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 61
Posts: 3087
Quote: Wizard
****groan*****


That's as good as applause =D

"Biology is the only science in which multiplication and division mean the same thing"

"Did you hear the one about the pathogenic biologist? He made speeches all over the world, visited 30 different countries, and spoke 10 different languages. He was a man of many cultures."

And a bit risqué...

"Biologists are some of the most sexually depraved individuals out there. I once caught them observing zygotes and all these guys commented about was its cleavage. "
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
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