Physics, math, science and science fiction jokes

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February 8th, 2015 at 10:44:24 AM permalink
Face
Administrator
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 61
Posts: 3167
Bah. It's above me, like much of your stuff is. Maybe someone here will bail me out.

My idea of being smart consists of wearing a shirt featuring the table of elements. Even then, I can only manage to wear it periodically.

;)
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 8th, 2015 at 10:46:20 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 331
Posts: 11746
Quote: Face
Bah. It's above me, like much of your stuff is. Maybe someone here will bail me out.


I really don't think anyone will get it. it's not even a good joke, just hard to get. You need to know the numbers in a certain language. PM me if you get tired of waiting, and I'll explain.

Quote:
My idea of being smart consists of wearing a shirt featuring the table of elements. Even then, I can only manage to wear it periodically.


Oh, that's really good!
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 8th, 2015 at 11:29:03 AM permalink
Mosca
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 426
Q: what does the B in Benoit B. Mandelbrot stand for?






A: Benoit B. Mandelbrot
February 9th, 2015 at 4:43:31 PM permalink
Mosca
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 426
LOL, Mosca Threadkiller.
February 9th, 2015 at 4:47:26 PM permalink
Mosca
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 426
A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer went again to the races and laid their money down. Commiserating in the bar after the race, the engineer says, "I don't understand why I lost all my money. I measured all the horses and calculated their strength and mechanical advantage and figured out how fast they could run..."

The physicist interrupted him: "...but you didn't take individual variations into account. I did a statistical analysis of their previous performances and bet on the horses with the highest probability of winning..."

"...so if you're so hot why are you broke?" asked the engineer. But before the argument can grow, the mathematician takes out his pipe and they get a glimpse of his well-fattened wallet. Obviously here was a man who knows something about horses. They both demanded to know his secret.

"Well," he says, "first I assumed all the horses were identical and spherical..."
February 9th, 2015 at 4:50:41 PM permalink
Mosca
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 426
Two male mathematicians are in a bar. The first one says to the second that the average person knows very little about basic mathematics. The second one disagrees, and claims that most people can cope with a reasonable amount of math.

The first mathematician goes off to the washroom, and in his absence the second calls over the waitress. He tells her that in a few minutes, after his friend has returned, he will call her over and ask her a question. All she has to do is answer one third x cubed.

She repeats "one thir -- dex cue"?
He repeats "one third x cubed".
Her: `one thir dex cuebd'? Yes, that's right, he says. So she agrees, and goes off mumbling to herself, "one thir dex cuebd...".

The first guy returns and the second proposes a bet to prove his point, that most people do know something about basic math. He says he will ask the blonde waitress an integral, and the first laughingly agrees. The second man calls over the waitress and asks "what is the integral of x squared?".
The waitress says "one third x cubed" and while walking away, turns back and says over her shoulder "plus a constant!"
February 9th, 2015 at 4:52:49 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 331
Posts: 11746
Quote: Mosca
LOL, Mosca Threadkiller.


I think it has to do something with something called a Mandelbrot set, but I've no ide what that is.

Anyway:

Sinclair: Ready?
Delenn: Why do your people always ask whether you're ready before doing something massively unwise?
Sinclair: Tradition.

---

Ivanova: We Russians like to catalogue the full extent of our stupidity for future reference.

---

At a gathering of an international zoological society, it is determined little is known about the elephant. So every member is assigned a paper for next year's meeting. After a year the delegates of the various countries present their papers. The Germans present "A detailed treatise on the small fingernail on the left foreleg of the elephant." The Americans present: "Raising elephants for fun and profit." The Japanese: "How to raise miniature elephants." And so on.

The Mexican delegate looks nervously when it's his turn and says "wasn't this due for tomorrow?"



Oh, well, it cracks Mexicans up.

---

Q: How many Vulcans does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
A: One. It's only logical.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 9th, 2015 at 5:28:14 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 331
Posts: 11746
One in Spanish, A certain The Wizard should be able to get it by now, if he's seen Star Wars with subtitles (I think I've posted it before):

P: ¿Que guarda Darth Vader en su congelador?
R: Helado oscuro.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 9th, 2015 at 10:55:34 PM permalink
Face
Administrator
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 61
Posts: 3167
Quote: Mosca
LOL, Mosca Threadkiller.


You're just way above me. Gotta dumb it waaaay down =p

Observe...

"How do two flies screw in a lightbulb?
That's easy. Hard part is figuring out how they got in there."

See? Crude little joke that takes a minute to recognize the play on words, then you can tee-hee at its sexual nature (or /facepalm, or whatever). Of course, you can refuse to lessen your craft and force others to a higher standard. I like that way, too. You'll just have to wait several days for me to catch up, and do avoid the puddle of drool forming around my feet =p
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
February 16th, 2015 at 3:14:41 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 331
Posts: 11746
One of my own:

Q: Why couldn't the statistician change a light bulb?
A. He couldn't gather the necessary 1.3 people to do it.

Oh, well...

----

Q: Why did the Borg cross the road?
A: The road is irrelevant. We will assimilate your biological and technological distinctiveness to our own. From this moment on, you will service us.

--

Funniest line ever on Star Trek:

Q: You hit me! Picard never hit me!

---
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
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