Physics, math, science and science fiction jokes

Quote: Nareed

Q: You hit me! Picard never hit me!

I'm not Picard. You're much easier to provoke.

Quote: Nareed

One of my own:

Q: Why couldn't the statistician change a light bulb?
A. He couldn't gather the necessary 1.3 people to do it.

Oh, well...

Reminds me of a line in one of my favorite songs - "Now the average American father and mother, owns one whole car and half another, and I bet that half a car is a trick to drive, don't you?" - Jerry Reed "Lord Mr. Ford"

A family of sparrows was fluttering around the Galapagos.
"Mommy? Why is Timmy's beak shaped all funny?"
Mommy fetches a sigh.
"I knew this was going to happen one day." she says to herself. "You see, Billy,... your brother's adapted"

;)

Quote: Face

"You see, Billy,... your brother's adapted"

;)

Priceless!

Not a joke, but one of the best lines in Babylon 5:

After warning off an Earth fleet attacking Babylon 5 (this is a civil war), Ambassador Delen of the Minbari issues this threat: "Only one human captain has survived battle against a Minbari fleet. He stands behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else."

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Mama Kosh "I haven't seen you in millennia. Will you come to the Home World or should I visit you in Babylon 5?"

Kosh: "Yes."

Mama Kosh: "Yes what?"

Kosh: "Yes, mom."

Quote: Nareed

Mama Kosh "I haven't seen you in millennia. Will you come to the Home World or should I visit you in Babylon 5?"

Kosh: "Yes."

Mama Kosh: "Yes what?"

Kosh: "Yes, mom."

Ha! My kid's only 6 but I'm already getting these types of answers. The "only pay attention long enough to hear two words" type answers. Love it =)

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How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten tickles.

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What did the Earth say after an earthquake?
Sorry, that was my fault.
And I'm all shook up over it.

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With so many erectile dysfunction meds out now, I thought I'd make a club for ED sufferers.
It was a complete flop...
Seriously, nobody came...

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I had more and was going to write them down, but I only had a dull pencil.
I found it rather pointless.

XD

Quote: Face

Ha! My kid's only 6 but I'm already getting these types of answers. The "only pay attention long enough to hear two words" type answers. Love it =)

In Babylon 5, Kosh, the Vorlon ambassador, usually gives cryptic answers, incomplete answers, non-sequiturs or completely ambiguous answers. When asked "this or that" type of questions, he answers "yes."

Ergo the joke.

Quote: Face

With so many erectile dysfunction meds out now, I thought I'd make a club for ED sufferers.
It was a complete flop...Seriously, nobody came.

I trust when you sent out the invitations you included the voiceover "Seek medical attention for erections lasting more than four hours".

I just stumbled across this one at real Clear Science:

"If parallel universes exist, is there a parallel universe where parallel universes don't exist?"

I forget who says what, but it took place in the Star Trek episode of Futurama:


"Was that during the Star Trek Wars?"

"No. It happened in the Star Wars Trek."

Same ep:

Fry: People need Star Trek to have hope about the future.
Leela: But it's set in the past!

And now for humor on a cosmological scale:

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time