Fathers Day & Fathers

Quote: AZDuffman

Gonna be my first Father's Day without mine.

Thought I remembered you just talking about him when you did the little deck. Sorry to hear =/

My old man... I dunno. I share some of the same memories as EB. He was the rock. I never heard him belly ache, never heard him say "I can't". He was a man of habit as well. Never drank, never left, he was always there.

But I don't get him. He's... well, I'm a lot like him. Solitary, living in a world that exists only in his own head. It makes one distant, and that's probably the overall view of my childhood with him. He was for sure at all of my games, he for sure cheered as loud as any parent. But he wasn't the type to teach how to ride a bike, or to shave, or any of that. He was always... in his own mind.

It's still like that, unfortunately. Any time I need a hand, he's there the same day. If I need his time, he'll give it without a pause. Ask him to go fishing with his kid, he's going. But unless I go find him, he's just gone. I've gone long, long periods of time with no contact with him, for no other reason than lack of effort. Sometimes I want him to find me, or just come check out the car I've worked so hard on and made myself, or plan a trip and ask me if I want to go fishing. Alas, he's just gone. Off in his world.

I'm mostly my grandpa because of it. I can't say I have room to complain, because ol granddad is about the best man that's ever been made. I just wish I could have two of him. I'd be lying if I said I don't one day expect a call that the old man opted out.

But all things considered, I've no room to complain. My notion of honor is all from him. And he did do special things like the "man trips" fishing when I was young. And those years when we both got rockets was a period of time in which there is no compare. Just a sublime time to have been alive. I dunno, maybe it's me now that has to do the teaching. Instill in him some of my drive to do and to enjoy.

Thankfully, I'm mostly my mother, and I think, while certainly ill equipped and lacking experience, that I'm doing a bang up job with my own kid. He's been hitting me with the most profound s#$% lately that I've broke into tears more than once. And, on Father's Day of all days, I get a call from the ex stating her husband got laid off. Only three places to choose from to regain employment and they chose Syracuse. So even if he decides to stay with mom, my boy will be home. Pretty hard to receive a better gift than that =)

Face, there are men who would kill for a
dad like yours. So he's his own man, so
what. That's also what makes him the dad
he is. Believe me, you don't want the 'talk
to me about everything, son' type, because
they're the ones that will tell you crap about
them you don't want to hear.

I remember Jane Fonda was always whining
about her dad never opening up and talking
to her. He was always there, he was a man's
man dad, he was just not an open person.
She said the scenes they did in On Golden
Pond, shortly before his death, were the closest
they ever were. No dad is perfect, they all
fall short. She should be thankful he wasn't
a drunk who beat them, like Kirk Douglas' dad
did.

Quote: Face

Thought I remembered you just talking about him when you did the little deck. Sorry to hear =/

Thanks. You probably remember right, the accident was two weeks ago tonight. Didn't do the deck yet, or do you mean the ramp last year? One look at the hospital and I knew it was over. The "recovery" would have been nothing of the sort. A year or more of therapy to end up probably blind, unable to talk, and in need of assistance forever. Living Will gave a legal as well as moral obligation. Hung on almost two full days. Died in front of us. I was the one who thought to check the time.

I had bought some 50% off roses called "Chrysler Imperial" at THD, figured have fun trying to grow them and he would get a kick out of the name. Bought them the day before. Tonight I tried starting some roses from his wake in the yard next to the Imperals. Will try to start some more later this week. Say now if anyone wants to see it in the DIY thread.

Quote:

My old man... I dunno. I share some of the same memories as EB. He was the rock. I never heard him belly ache, never heard him say "I can't". He was a man of habit as well. Never drank, never left, he was always there.

But I don't get him. He's... well, I'm a lot like him. Solitary, living in a world that exists only in his own head. It makes one distant, and that's probably the overall view of my childhood with him. He was for sure at all of my games, he for sure cheered as loud as any parent. But he wasn't the type to teach how to ride a bike, or to shave, or any of that. He was always... in his own mind.

A bit different here. He tried to teach us to live small, often came off as "cheap." Although the lessons were good. One line, "you have to pay your bills" ensured I would keep good credit. I learned about keeping a car on the road. One small trick in college impressed both the guy at the parts store and a fellow manager near some 10 years after. When it came to cars, what I learned saved me from more than a few jams that would scare a lesser man to the nearest car lot taking whatever he could finance. I'm not Mr Goodwrench, but one time a guy was selling a line of bull and I asked something (I forget exactly) in such a way that his attitude changed completely in a second. Another time in AZ I asked to borrow a roommates tools to do brakes. Guy helped me a little, guy thought I was some nerd who would buy headlight fluid. In an hour he told the third roommate I had as much mechanical aptitude as said third guy. I wasn't trying to show off, just the way I said or did something.

OTOH, he was an awful teacher with little patience. He and I working was a nightmare of screaming within no time at all. The dog would get stressed at it. The final few years he calmed down as he had numerous health issues. He loved the ramp and he loved some of the other stuff I built.

Last week I fixed the plug he was going to fix after he mowed the lawn, which was what made him fall. What I fixed was not broken. Had he died trying to fix that and I found it was not broken, I would have had to take that to the grave.

Quote: AZDuffman

Thanks. You probably remember right, the accident was two weeks ago tonight. Didn't do the deck yet, or do you mean the ramp last year? One look at the hospital and I knew it was over. The "recovery" would have been nothing of the sort. A year or more of therapy to end up probably blind, unable to talk, and in need of assistance forever.

What was the accident.

Quote: AZDuffman

Say now if anyone wants to see it in the DIY thread.

I would like to see it. Are the bees gone?

Quote: petroglyph

I would like to see it. Are the bees gone?

Queen died, bees gone. Will work on the roses, not much to see now.

Quote: Evenbob

What was the accident.

Getting one lawn mower out and tripped over the smaller one they have. Massive concussion.

How old was he.

Quote: Evenbob

How old was he.

73