Trump jokes

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February 10th, 2017 at 3:33:09 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 306
Posts: 10274
So here's the brain store joke:

Joe decides to get a new brain, so he goes to the brain store to get one.

The salesman shows him a few generic ones and quote some low prices, but Joe informs him he has money for something fancy. So the salesman takes him to the showroom, where brains are kept in individual jars, and begins to describe them:

"This, sir, is a very special brain. It belonged to a physics professor who won a Nobel prize. It's 55 years old and it goes for $50 per gram."

"Not bad," says Joe, "but I'd like to see something else."

"OF course, sir. Here's one that belonged to a successful stock broker. It's 60 years old and it's worth $75 per gram."

"Nice. But how about that one with the double-walled glass case?"

"Ah, that's our prized possession. It belonged to Donald Trump. It's 71 years old, and is worth $1,000 per gram."

"Why is it so expensive?"

"It's never been used."
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 10th, 2017 at 7:10:13 PM permalink
stinkingliberal
Member since: Nov 9, 2016
Threads: 17
Posts: 731
Quote: Nareed

"Ah, that's our prized possession. It belonged to Donald Trump. It's 71 years old, and is worth $1,000 per gram."

"Why is it so expensive?"

"It's never been used."


And how many human-orangutan hybrids' brains have been preserved for posterity?
February 10th, 2017 at 8:46:31 PM permalink
rxwine
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 115
Posts: 4549
Stole this from the Tonight Show

Trump may appoint Sarah Palin as ambassador to Canada.

Palin says she's flattered but doesn't really want to move to Europe.
No one has ever proven I am not God.
March 3rd, 2017 at 6:16:58 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 306
Posts: 10274
Somehow I missed this one:

You're setting up a picnic by the lake, when you notice a small boat carrying Donald Trump and Steve Bannon capsizes. The men are not wearing life jackets, and they don't appear able to swim.

Question: what sandwich do you have first?
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
March 6th, 2017 at 7:41:09 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 306
Posts: 10274
Donald Trump is a poor man's idea of a rich man, a stupid man's idea of a smart man, and a weak man's idea of a strong man.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
March 6th, 2017 at 11:54:59 AM permalink
terapined
Member since: Aug 6, 2014
Threads: 35
Posts: 2688
Where are my daily Trump tweets
Looking for a laugh today
WTF is going on
Cmon Trump, tweet something absurd
You can do it
Sometimes we live no particular way but our own - Grateful Dead "Eyes of the World"
March 6th, 2017 at 9:42:18 PM permalink
rxwine
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 115
Posts: 4549
What's the difference between Carrot Top and Donald Trump?

Carrot Top has a better physique, better hair, better act, is more rational and actually knows when he is being ridiculous.
No one has ever proven I am not God.
March 7th, 2017 at 6:03:29 AM permalink
terapined
Member since: Aug 6, 2014
Threads: 35
Posts: 2688
North Korea fires four missiles into the sea off of Japan,
will next declare Obama wiretapped them too if they still aren't getting attention
Sometimes we live no particular way but our own - Grateful Dead "Eyes of the World"
March 9th, 2017 at 6:35:39 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 306
Posts: 10274
This latest remake of "The Manchurian Candidate" is awful.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
March 9th, 2017 at 6:40:03 AM permalink
ams288
Member since: Apr 21, 2016
Threads: 11
Posts: 1693
Quote: Nareed
This latest remake of "The Manchurian Candidate" is awful.


The Manch-URINE Candidate
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