Women Unhated

I can't get too much into the subplot in the AceofSpades thread over at WoV that is about the war between the sexes, which is not to say that I never had my own issues with such... but, basically, I like women and don't judge all of them by the ones who are less admirable.

Perhaps I can come up with some observations, others can join in though I suggest any hateful type stuff go ahead and post in that other thread.

So I will start with this:

In the matter of 'body language', someone once pointed out to me that we don't notice how much posturing women do as we have normalized it in our minds after seeing so much of it. He said to notice when observing certain gay men; the ones that also do the female posturing . Since with most of us that seems out of place [think of the infamous limp wrist], it becomes very noticeable, and if you then think how often the ladies do such things a light bulb comes on. Yeah, they do a lot of it! And it isn't just in the wrist, it's all sort of things, such as the way the chest is sort of put forward in conversation. In fact engaging in conversation I think is the trigger for most of it.

I thought about this again when I got treated to a particularly fascinating show when in a hotel lobby a few weeks ago. A young woman probably in her late twenties decided she needed to 'say hello' to an older woman who was seated near me. Now, of course I am guessing, but it seemed to be the case that this older woman was important to impress, and was a superior in some way ; superior in either social ranking or in her group or in employment ... but I think it came across as a combination. The poor girl went into a torturous display of the type of posturing that such an inferior will do to a superior and all along the lines of 'learned propriety' that had to be 'just so' as there seemed to be a great danger that the older woman would decide that this young lady had crossed the line somehow and would do something awful, like turning away and ignoring her. Perhaps our young woman was wrong in thinking it was appropriate to acknowledge this older woman at all? And of course she had it all over this probably older-by-30-years dame in the way of her youth and good looks, something that we know can trigger a deeply felt resentment.

That it was excruciating was, to me, clearly brought out by the posturing. The older woman just sat there impassively, unsmiling and hardly moving a muscle. Surely she said something, though it was as if she hadn't. This brought out quite a display, I have to tell you. Our young lady was practically pirouetting and curtsying, meanwhile taking a hand and sort of dangling it over her chest, one hand then the other. Her manner of speaking was deferring in manner and somehow also designed to avoid offense. She seemed to have a sense of how much time she was to be allowed, then scooted away.

I think she pulled it off. At least there was no sign I could pick up that the older woman was displeased, not then nor after the other woman left, and I think it was felt that propriety was properly maintained.

Although I can attest to the fact that young men can screw up relationships with their male superiors through doing things wrong, including in social niceties, it never seemed to me to ever be very similar to anything like this. It was one of those times I get reminded there are just some things men don't have to go through.

Quote: odiousgambit

I think she pulled it off. At least there was no sign I could pick up that the older woman was displeased, not then nor after the other woman left, and I think it was felt that propriety was properly maintained.

Women are way, way more worried what others think of them than men are. Guys are very OK with a "hello and hello" kind of greeting. If it goes good, it goes good. If it goes bad, oh well, try a different thing next time in the situation. A moment later the guy is thinking "where did I set my drink?"

The reality is that the "superior" male is going to forget much less even care about the whole thing the same moment later.

Women don't get this as much. I think it is because women do more likely remember and rate each other, and men as well. They notice and gab about every little thing. You do not notice this until you work among many of them.

Quote: AZDuffman

I think it is because women do more likely remember and rate each other, and men as well. They notice and gab about every little thing. You do not notice this until you work among many of them.

Sex in the City was popular because it
accurately portrayed what many women
are like. They pick apart everything, and
men do not. We don't care.

Women are driven by hormonal low self
esteem and are constantly looking outside
themselves for verification that they aren't
as bad as they think they are. Men are not
like that at all. If we act like jerks and are
looked at as jerks a lot of the time, we don't
really care.

I don't dislike women. But being around them
does drive me nuts now, because my tolerance
level is gone. I no longer make the effort to
put up with their insecurities and inane babblings
about stuff I could care less about.

My first year in college I lived in a dormitory. There was a guy across the hall a couple doors down who put an ad in the college newspaper, that literally said, "need a girlfriend". It had a few other specifics but not much else.

We laughed at him, but it worked. I know they were together the first year, but after that I had moved out, so don't know how long it lasted.

45 years ago I read something that
has never left me. A guy wrote, the
best women are in books and movies
written by men.

And that's turned out to be very true.
Men write about fantasy women, that
aren't totally self centered and self
absorbed, that will meet you halfway,
and don't want to discuss themselves
with you 24/7. These are women that
don't exist that men dream about in
books and movie scripts.

I just finished Stephen Kings time travel
book, 11/22/63. There's a fantasy woman
in the story, that you would kill to be with.
But she's pure fantasy, those women don't
exist in the real world. So men invent them.

I'd consider this much better overall advice, even though it's another well-known popular personality.. None of it is manipulative to the extent of having to set up a false front.

Quote:

The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.
You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.
If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.
Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working?
There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it’s not working and be honest when it needs fixing.
Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.
You don’t fix things by fixing your partner.
Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.
You don’t necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.
Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.

I leave the author for anyone to look up on a search.

Quote: rxwine

I'd consider this much better overall advice.

More Dr Phil drivel:

"You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.

Forget whether you’re right or wrong. The question is: Is what you’re doing working or not working?

You don’t fix things by fixing your partner.

Communicate."

Pie in the sky BS. All that works fine
if you have a partner willing to meet
you halfway. If they're not willing, and
most aren't, Phil's advice is worthless.

All women will meet you half way..... their half.

As one tv movie mother-in-law intoned to some newlywed wife: You have to pick your battles more carefully.

That one woman I mentioned quite some time ago who basically divorced her husband based on carpet crumbs from his refusal to use a saucer really used the incident as a mere symptom of what the problem was and proof that it would continue. It wasn't so much the crumbs as his persistent refusal to consider her comments about them. Halfway wouldn't do it. As with many things it becomes all the way or not at all. When they were living together she had spoken to him about it and he had changed his ways after a bit of a struggle. After the marriage he resumed the crumbs and the assaultive driving and she just decided to have the break up before there was a kid involved.

Quote: Fleastiff

All women will meet you half way..... their half.

Exactly. Many women seem to feel
if you do four things they want, they
might compromise on one thing you
want. For today. Tomorrow they will
often have forgotten all about the
compromise.

Quote: odiousgambit

Perhaps I can come up with some observations, others can join in though I suggest any hateful type stuff go ahead and post in that other thread.

Can't see any difference from the crap EB has been posting in that other thread. Maybe you're referring to something else.