Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

It is now official -- I am a member in good standing of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM for short). I even have this certificate to prove it (click on image for larger version).



As an evangelist for the church, I welcome new members from the DT community and will try to answer your questions. Let me get the ball rolling by explaining the basics of the church and why you should join, as I see them.

1. The government should not respect some religions over others.
2. We ask for equal time to our version of the creation story as that of "intelligent design" in public schools.
3. We believe climate change is caused by a shortage of pirates, as clearly evidenced by a negative relationship between the number of pirates and global average temperature over time.
4. Our only dogma is we oppose dogma.
5. We welcome everybody, even members of other religions and skeptics.
6. Nobody has ever been killed in the name of the FSM (can your religion claim that?)
7. Pirates were the original members of the church of the FSM and were peace-loving travelers.
8. The FSM has a special place in his heart for midgets.
9. Heaven has a beer volcano and stripper factory.
10. The FSM created the heavens and earth in a sport period of time, about a week. On the second day, he created a beer volcano. Following that, he drank from it and created the earth in a drunken stupor.
11. This creation happened relatively recently. In an effort to test our faith, the FSM has planted false evidence of dinosaur bones and faked the results of carbon dating tests.
12. Putting a colander on your head is a sacred way of showing respect to the FSM and may grant enlightenment and connection to him.
13. Jesus may have been an incarnate form of the FSM and offer $1,000,000 to anyone who can prove us wrong.
14. We suggest new members try us out on a 30-day trial basis. We believe other religions will take you back if it doesn't work out.

There is more to it than that (but not much more), but that is enough to get the discussion rolling.

More information:

Wikipedia entry
Official web site
The question for the poll is what do you think of the FSM?

I do not know if I would be a viable candidate as midgets disturb me. I once watched a porn movie where clowns were screwing midgets. After watching that for 90 minutes I have a low opinion of both.

Quote: DRich

I do not know if I would be a viable candidate as midgets disturb me. I once watched a porn movie where clowns were screwing midgets. After watching that for 90 minutes I have a low opinion of both.

Liking midgets is not a requirement to join. Nor are there any requirements. You should share our sympathy for midgets, as the one in the movie you mention was clearly being exploited.

I'm too atheist to join any church..

Quote: Evenbob

I'm too atheist to join any church..

We welcome all non-violent opinions in our church, including skeptics.

Quote: Wizard

We welcome all non-violent opinions in our church, including skeptics.

See, you just joined and they have
you soliciting for new members.
The cult already has you and you
don't even know it..

Quote: Evenbob

See, you just joined and they have
you soliciting for new members.
The cult already has you and you
don't even know it..

Aren't all religions and cults supposed to spread the faith? It is the believers who don't that I do not respect.

How about a religion that promises salvation for and you don't have to do anything because you are one of the elect? You're either one of the elect or you're not, so why proselytize? This has some appeal to me because I'm lazy ... and, don't forget, when I celebrate my birthday it's like this,

Quote: odiousgambit

How about a religion that promises salvation for and you don't have to do anything because you are one of the elect?

I would say this is the conservative interpretation of Christianity. They emphasize the "Book of Life," which is a list of the "elect" as you put it. Then there is the verse that says "Many are called but few are chosen." There are verses you can stack on both sides of the free wish vs. predetermination debate, but most favor predetermination.

I won't look it up but I think it is called Calvinism. I understand they've got it covered for someone who would belong to the church but thinks he can sin by saying a person who is one of the elect would be unable to sin willy-nilly , it wouldn't be in them and they actually are proving they are not one of the elect by this willful behavior. Not sure how it goes for someone who sins in a weak moment and regrets it. Might depend on how fundamentalist the sect is.