cleaning the nether eye

EB's "What I ate today" induced me to pen this necessary corollary thread.

After a lifetime of trial and error I developed the following method to remove unwanted material from my nether eye following a BM:

note: I suggest using only Charmin bath tissue, as it is firm yet soft (the best tissue available: your butt is worth it, don't scrimp)

Have your BM: flush.

First pass: use three plies of tissue, as the first pass is the toughest.

Then use two plies for four more swipes, then flush.

Finish off with a wet wipe, using three plies folded together; briefly run the end under the tap water to wet it, then put one ply atop the wet and wipe.

Finally use two dry plies and flush: voila, clean as a whistle.

Note also that I recommend learning to hold the tissue such that it remains flat, instead of bunching it up; to do this squeeze the tissue between the index and middle finger (takes a small amount of practice to get the idea).

good grief

America needs the bidet and the metric system.

Btw, I opened this thread thinking it was some psychic hocus pokus

Just use baby wipes you can get a package of 45 for $0.98 at Walmart. Problem solved. You West Coast people are weird.

Quote: Evenbob

Just use baby wipes you can get a package of 45 for $0.98 at Walmart. Problem solved. You West Coast people are weird.

I was hoping no one would ever mention that when this pandemic hoarding stuff started. I've been a Huggy guy for years. I've had several anus problems, especially working high steel work. Anyone that works up there much will end up with a hemorrhoid and a pile or two. Bloodied up several toilets in my day.

So, I had a Perineum distension problem a few years back, and since having been there before, I headed right for the Mayo, after my Urologist said he couldn't help. They've got a dept. dedicated to that little problem, it's not that common. The woman that is in charge I think was showing off that day? She gloved up and greased and dove in, when she brought her fist out, she had a bit of an inquisitive look on her face but I didn't pay it much heed. Next, she's got this intern there and she tells him to have a try. Now, I've already seen this guy, and he's got hands like meat hooks. Not long, but stubby and thick, nothin you want up your ass believe me, but he gloves and dives, just like she told him. He pulls out, and shows her, and they both have an inquisitive look, so I ask, hey, what are you guys doing back there, wtf is going on? She says, you are overwiping? Apparently, there are folks that just wipe to much, and when that greasy glove comes back it's supposed to have a little mud on it, I guess? But that's where me and her disagree. I've had piles and such, and to me, concerning my ass, cleanliness is next to godliness. And I'm sticking to it. Them wipes sans the perfume, are the way to go! I was kind of horrified as the last roll of tissue left town, because I knew where they'd go next. And they did. But thankfully, I ordered up a couple cases from Amazon before the big drought on wipes hit town. Feel sorry for the poor babies, those are great tools.

Now, me an my kids have camped often and travelled by RV and such, and don't didn't always have enough water for plenty of showers, but I'm not going nowhere when I can't can't have a clean butt. You can take a decent PTA bath with just a few wipes, and be smiling at camp when others are scooching around making streaks in their undies. I talked with a couple other steelworkers and they agree with me on this part. If you are going to be having blisters and such popping and a sore and red sphincter, you want that thing clean. I've had a lot of surface wounds and it always seems that the cleaner they are the faster they heal.

Quote: petroglyph

I was hoping no one would ever mention that when this pandemic hoarding stuff started. I've been a Huggy guy for years. I've had several anus problems,

There are a couple people I could name who have anus
problems from the neck up. I use baby wipes for
everything. To wash my hands before I cook to wash
my face before I go to bed, clean my cell phone and
computer keyboard. 45 of them for $0.98 is too
good of a deal. I even use them to take a spot out of
my shirt if I spill something on it.

Quote: Evenbob

There are a couple people I could name who have anus problems from the neck up.

Is that slang for you know some a$$holes, or are you saying they were they born all deformed / topsy-tervy with their sphincter above their neck?

That could be awkward getting a kiss on the first or second date.

"Speak to me, sweet lips, that no one dares to kiss."

well I guess this thread shows yet another reason anonymous posting gets out of hand

add in the age factor of this site, and we get to here. The ultimate destination for us all is the diaper, some say, unless death is kind before that destination is reached. In case you younger folk don't know, there are signals you pick up on along the way

what I can wax eloquently on is getting enough fiber in the diet. But I will spare you LOL

My intent in posting was a P.S.A.

It really is a smart way to go through life, clean as a whistle.

Ah, personal hygiene...