Bear Joke

Pretty good

Quote: the link

We advise the outdoorsman to wear little noisy bells on clothing so as to give advance warning to any bears that might be close by so you don't take them by surprise.

We also advise anyone using the out-of doors to carry "Pepper Spray" with him in case of an encounter with a bear.

Outdoorsmen should also be on the watch for fresh bear activity, and be able to tell the difference between black bear feces and grizzly bear feces. Black bear feces is smaller and contains lots of berries and squirrel fur. Grizzly Bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper.

http://www.treehugger.com/corporate-responsibility/how-to-recognize-bear-tracks-in-the-woods.html

Quote: odiousgambit

Grizzly Bear shit has bells in it and smells like pepper.

Excellent!

Is this a bear joke thread or general joke thread or neither?!! : )

Well, not a bear joke, but my sister told me an old joke last night. (heard it before).

Man is taking a shortcut home through a graveyard at night. Very dark, no moon, and unfortunately, he falls into a open grave for next morning burial. He tries to get out, but soon realizes that crumbling dirt is making his effort useless. So, seeing he is not going to get out, he figures in daylight someone will come by and help him out. He sits at one end and nods off eventually.

He is awoken awhile later by a thump and cussing of another man also fallen in the grave at the other end. The man doesn't see him in the darkness, and tries in vain to scramble out. He watches the man for a minute or two, and then finally speaks, "You're not getting out of here."

But the man did. Under a second too.

Quote: rxwine

Is this a ... general joke thread

don't see why not!

Thought this one was hilarious when I heard it as a kid...

Two men walked into a bar...

Never go into the woods alone.

That way, when the bear charges, you can remind yourself that there's no need to outrun the bear.

It kind of reminds me of cat owners who put bells on their cats thinking it will make them unable to hunt, but in reality, it makes them better hunters. I stopped on the side of the highway after a giant bridge over a ravine and saw a bear crap. It was huge like the size of a basketball. No wonder they have the expression does a bear crap in the woods. Must have been the same bear creating news walking across the county and right by my house. How crazy it would have been to see a bear which can completely demolish you if you don't act accordingly. I would be scared like crazy, but also think how cool it would be.

Don't ever wrestle a bear for money either. Someone I know paid $20 to pin a bear for $1,000 and everyone laughed when it completely dominated him and simulated sex on him. They're trained to do that.

Best Rodney Dangerfield joke.

I don't get no respect from my wife. She
cut me off from sex except for twice a
month. Thats not the worst part, she cut
two other guys off completely.