Marital arguments -- poll

There are going to be disagreements in marriage. What is the ideal way to resolve them? Let me elaborate on the choices:

Discuss rationally: Calmly listen to your spouse's argument. Consider the pros and cons of both points of view. Try to find a common ground if you can. If it must be one way or the other, sometimes you have to acquiesce, in the interests of peace and letting the other person win one once in a while.

Outlast your spouse: Keep arguing, even if it takes several hours, until your spouse gives up in frustration or exhaustion. If it seems you're losing the argument, change the topic and bring up old grievances. It doesn't matter who is right, but who can fight longer.

Often there are underlying emotions so the argument may be over a trivial item but it relates to a totally separate larger problem.

The argument about using a plate for a morning pastry is not about table manners, its about making work for her to clean up the crumbs.

Rational discussion? If the argument is about investments or other long term goals its more likely to be about priorities. Most couples argue over money and over long term versus short term goals.

Trying to outlast the spouse in unwise unless you really and truly decide that it is necessary for you to "win" the argument. Frustration and exhaustion always leave smoldering embers. Smoldering embers always flare up again and again. Its better to put out the fire by losing than by living with constantly erupting small blazes.

Remember, Men make the important decisions. Women make the decisions of lesser importance.

So the wife decides where they will live, what job her husband will have, where they will go on vacation, what schools the kids attend, etc. The husband decides if global warming is really a problem and what the President should do in the Middle East and whether Putin is a jerk or not.

Discussing rationally is the only way to go.

Of course each spouse brings to the table a lifetime of experiences, including those from early childhood which have no rationality whatsoever. And if you think that you don't have any of those, take a good look in the mirror, my friend. Both parties were raised differently and were taught to have their own set of beliefs which may be wildly different than your own.

The first years of marriage are usually spent attempting to change each other to your point of view and reflect your experiences. After a while, you learn that you can't change your partner's major traits yourself -- it's like hitting your head against a brick wall.

In the end, hopefully, you are in a marriage where your strengths offsets your wife's weaknesses. For us, when we have weaknesses, it's up to the partner to point those out and remind the other of them in a non-critical way.

And while it feels good to win an argument, the other party feels bad. You gotta come to win-wins whereever possible. Feeling like going out with the guys? Well, wife gets to order in dinner. Wife feel like spending $500 on clothes? Remind your wife that it isn't in the budget and offer to take something out your budget to accomodate her. You forget to do chores or don't feel like doing them? Allow your wife to do the same, and remind her of when you gave her latitude. Inlaws an issue. Work out those issues and figure out what makes each happy.

The most important thing, I think that each of us want to feel is that we are #1 to each other. Kids will of course complicate that, as does heavy job times. But come back to each other and do something that lets her know that she is #1. It could be something out of the blue, like telling her that you appreciate her for doing things, or bring home a small gift when you're not in trouble.

Quote: Fleastiff

Remember, Men make the important decisions. Women make the decisions of lesser importance.
.

Speak for yourself, because that sure ain't
how it goes for me. I make all the big decisions,
like where to live and what job to have. I
rarely argue with my wife, just let her think
she won and got her way, then do what I like
anyway. Arguing with a woman is pointless,
it gets you nowhere. She doesn't respect your
opinion anyway, not really. So keep it to
yourself.

Women are great at manipulation. Just let her
think she's having it her way, then find a way
to do what you want. My wife wants to argue
with me right now about something and I'm
ignoring her. She'll forget about it soon and
look at all the energy I saved.

Geez. We don't fight.

I don't mean that we've never fought. But we are both low key people. We're pretty attached to each other. I put up with her shortcomings and she puts up with mine. If something bad happens we throw money at it until it goes away. It's a pretty simple life.

Quote: Evenbob

Speak for yourself, because that sure ain't how it goes for me. I make all the big decisions, like where to live and what job to have.

Perhaps you missed the illustrations:

Remember, Men make the important decisions. Women make the decisions of lesser importance.
So the wife decides where they will live, what job her husband will have, where they will go on vacation, what schools the kids attend, etc. The husband decides if global warming is really a problem and what the President should do in the Middle East and whether Putin is a jerk or not.

Happy wife, happy life!

The home should be a place of harmony and common goals. Just being male and female is difference enough.

Quote: Fleastiff

So the wife decides where they will live, what job her husband will have,.

Not in my marriage. You must be joking.

Option 1 is the best way to do things…unless the argument was started by one of the spouses in order to announce a separation or divorce (in that case, neither answer is correct)
Communication is the biggest issue in divorces - the couples stopped communicating and basically began living separate lives - yelling and outlasting the other person merely prolongs the agony

Quote: Fleastiff

The husband decides if global warming is really a problem and what the President should do in the Middle East and whether Putin is a jerk or not.

I don't even get to decide those things. In my house you either tow the Fox News line or you're a communist degenerate drug abusing flaming liberal hippie.

Quote: Wizard

I don't even get to decide those things. In my house you either tow the Fox News line or you're a communist degenerate drug abusing flaming liberal hippie.

If you are afraid to voice your own opinion - what type of marriage is that?
Yes - I know the punchline could be - a normal one