Story flow

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November 25th, 2014 at 1:29:17 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
I'm a bit stuck on the flow of a story. Briefly put, here's how it goes:

1) Marina, the lead character, receives the ship's token alien in her quarters and they talk. Here we learn she's barely gotten over her husband's recent death.

2) The talk continues, same scene, but now it's about the mission to the planet below. Marina suspects something unknown is producing too much oxygen.

3) Next scene Marina and her team, six people including her, stream (not beam) down to the planet and begin to set up various experiments. Then a massive lightning storm hits.

4) The team takes refuge in a cave. Due to the charged atmosphere and massive EM pulses, the ship can only stream up five people. As team leader, Marina stays behind and will go in the next trip a few minutes later.

5) A HUGE heavenly spark hits as the ship informs Marina they're streaming her up. She tells them to wait, but gets caught in the teleporter effect anyway.

6) When she appears in the ship, she's greeted by her husband, who's very worried about her (and you'll notice from point 1), he is also dead). She reacts with a mixture of horror and fear and breaks down in tears.

Ok. Here I think the reader would have had enough of Marina for now (even though she's a gorgeous, tall red-haired microbiologist). Also since this is the Big Dramatic Moment Thus Far (BDMTF), I should break to something else. Anything else.

The problem is the easiest thing to break to is the next BDMTF. Or I can follow Marina into Medical, where the doctors shunt the husband away (he's upsetting their patient), and then, after a few more pages, drop the next BDMTF (which isn't the same as the second BDMTF)... Hmm.. lots of BDMTFs in this story).

Any thoughts?
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
November 25th, 2014 at 2:27:35 PM permalink
terapined
Member since: Aug 6, 2014
Threads: 35
Posts: 2789
Quote: Nareed
I'm a bit stuck on the flow of a story. Briefly put, here's how it goes:

1) Marina, the lead character, receives the in her quarters and they talk. Here we learn she's barely gotten over her husband's recent death.

Any thoughts?


You lost me at "ship's token alien"

Ships have token alien's?
Sometimes we live no particular way but our own - Grateful Dead "Eyes of the World"
November 25th, 2014 at 3:45:14 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
Quote: terapined
You lost me at "ship's token alien"

Ships have token alien's?


And BDMTF you understand? ;)

In many old SF stories, movies and TV shows, there is one alien, or a robot, working with the main crew, or the main cast, and he (it's usually a he) is really a token.

Who am I to break with tradition? although in this case he plays a crucial role. I also like the idea of Marina being able to empathize, with a giant squid who moves around in a vertical aquarium mounted on wheels.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
November 25th, 2014 at 4:23:36 PM permalink
Wizard
Administrator
Member since: Oct 23, 2012
Threads: 132
Posts: 2944
Marina goes into labor for she previously was impregnated by the token alien.
Knowledge is Good -- Emil Faber
November 25th, 2014 at 4:27:38 PM permalink
terapined
Member since: Aug 6, 2014
Threads: 35
Posts: 2789
Quote: Nareed
And BDMTF you understand? ;)

In many old SF stories, movies and TV shows, there is one alien, or a robot, working with the main crew, or the main cast, and he (it's usually a he) is really a token.

Who am I to break with tradition? although in this case he plays a crucial role. I also like the idea of Marina being able to empathize, with a giant squid who moves around in a vertical aquarium mounted on wheels.

I grew up on the TV series Star Trek
Spock was hardly a token alien :-)
Sometimes we live no particular way but our own - Grateful Dead "Eyes of the World"
November 25th, 2014 at 4:51:35 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
Quote: terapined
I grew up on the TV series Star Trek
Spock was hardly a token alien :-)


He was easily the token alien ;)

Worf, now, wasn't. There were other regulars as aliens in the crew, after all.

But Data was the token robot.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
November 26th, 2014 at 10:17:29 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
The challenge for the week is to get this story written by Sunday evening.

I'm frankly very pessimistic about my chances. Something will turn up, We'll have to stay in the office until 5 am Saturday, or someone will dump some urgent work and I'll spend the weekend at the office, or I'll get insomnia, or hurt myself working out, or something...
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
November 26th, 2014 at 11:24:30 AM permalink
FrGamble
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 44
Posts: 4980
Quote: Nareed
The challenge for the week is to get this story written by Sunday evening.

I'm frankly very pessimistic about my chances. Something will turn up, We'll have to stay in the office until 5 am Saturday, or someone will dump some urgent work and I'll spend the weekend at the office, or I'll get insomnia, or hurt myself working out, or something...


Are you Irish Nareed?
November 26th, 2014 at 1:25:14 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
Quote: FrGamble
Are you Irish Nareed?


Can you imagine how clichéd an Irish Jew would be in America? ;)

But seriously, my grandparents came from Poland and Lithuania.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
November 27th, 2014 at 6:36:58 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10503
Quote: Nareed
But seriously, my grandparents came from Poland and Lithuania.


Come to think of it, Jews at those places in those times would be very much justified if they were eternally pessimistic...

Back to the story, there's no easy way to break away from Marina because the whole plot, action, dialogue, theme and plot-theme of the story is centered on her (sort of). You'd better not get tired of her.

Just the same, after 6) I do need to move to the next BDMTF, because otherwise the timeline of events will seem and feel all wrong to the reader. It's hard to have considerable time pass in one scene, then go to a different scene taking place at the same time. So next BDMTF it is. I won't spoil it here, but it will begin with the words "Now, that's funny," as a tiny homage to the late, great Dr. Asimov.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
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