Fathers Day & Fathers

I think about my dad a lot more as I get
older. We were never very close even
though we lived in the same house off
and on for 25 years.

He didn't drink, he was never gone. He got
home from work every day at 3:40 PM. He
got up every morning at 5:20 AM. He never
hit us, never yelled, that was my moms dept.
My memories are him sitting in his recliner
by the window, chain smoking, reading a book.
He was always reading. He watched TV a little,
and laughed at sitcoms.

When I eventually left for good, I never missed
him. We rarely spoke and never about personal
things. Reading was the only thing we had in
common. He died in his 80's twenty years ago.

I realize now how grateful I am that such a father
was in my life. He was a rock, he was a steady force.
He wasn't religious, but he never swore. He was
just there when we needed him. A person of habit,
he made it possible for us to have kid lives, we had
nothing to concern us. Dinner was always on the table
at 5, we always had to be in bed by 9. I wish every
kid had it as good as we did.

He was in the Pacific in WWII and never talked about it, and
I never asked. I don't know why.

I dream about him all the time. He's sitting by the
window, reading his books. Just like his father and
grandfather before him. I dream about that feeling
of stability that a good dad gives you. It makes me
feel good.

Quote: Evenbob

I think about my dad a lot more as I get
older. We were never very close even
though we lived in the same house off
and on for 25 years.

This is therapeutic.

Gonna be my first Father's Day without mine. He worked hard to give us a good life. We had a hard time getting along. Both strong-headed I guess. He would yell and later apologize. As I got older I was not afraid to yell back. I learned a lot from him about cars and other ways to fix things. But it was not easy. We were "American Chopper" before there was American Chopper. We had to keep a certain distance.

But I learned, from needing to pay your bills to enough to save a fortune on all kinds of things to do with cars. One day there is nobody to consult.

He who does not teach his son a trade teaches his son to be a thief.

Everybody knows this Mark Twain quote:

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”
,
John D Rockefellers father was a scallywag and patent
medicine seller. He was seldom home, always out
making schemes and money. He was gone for
years at times. He was still enough of an influence
on his son that he gave him the work ethic to
become what will probably be the richest man the
world ever knows. At his death John D was worth,
in today's money, between 400-500 billion.

Quote: Evenbob

I think about my dad a lot more as I get
older.

That is the best post you've ever written. At least of the many I've read. Maybe you should save the sentiment for your big 20,000th post at WoV.

I could have said much the same about my dad. My dad didn't smoke but he did swear -- a lot. Definitely had a bad temper and was the cheapest man I've ever met. However, like your dad, he saw to it that we were well provided for, including graduating from college debt free. He fought a miserable commute on the 405 freeway every work day so that we could live in a nice Orange County neighborhood while he commuted to Redondo Beach. For putting his responsibilities first as a father he got little thanks, including from me. When he died two years ago I still couldn't process it all and didn't say anything personal at his funeral but just read a poem. Like you, the further away I get from his passing, the better he looks in my eyes. Thank you.

BTW, I was just cleaning up the office today and came across the permit to transport his ashes across state lines.

Thanks for this EB! Beautifully expressed. It encourages me to work on my legacy to my kids, as well as my relationship with my Dad who, fortunately, is still in good health.

Quote: Ayecarumba

as well as my relationship with my Dad who, fortunately, is still in good health.

I should say to work on the relationship,
but if my dad were here we still would
barely speak. It was what it was, and
yours is what it is. I have no regrets that
we weren't closer. There's a reason we
weren't, I should just leave it at that.

Wow. Lots of thoughts and memories just got unleashed.

Quote: Evenbob

He was in the Pacific in WWII and never talked about it, and
I never asked. I don't know why.

For those whose parent or parents are still with us, this brief piece of advice:

Be sure to ask any questions you may have NOW while you still can.


My father passed away in 1977. He was 49. I was 17. So many questions have come up since then. My mother was able to answer most of them, but not all.

My mother passed away last year. I thought I had asked all the questions I could think of. At her funeral, before it began, my brothers and I had a brief discussion about the speeches we were going to give. At that time, we realized that we had a disagreement about how her middle name was pronounced. We agreed on the spelling. Her middle name is Leah, but we each had a different way to say it. One was Lee-ah, one was Lee-uh, and one was simply Lee. Then my uncle, her brother, showed up. We asked him to spell it. Got it. Then we asked him how it's pronounced. We got a "Deer in the headlights" response, he wasn't sure.

We ended up leaving her middle name out of any speeches, and instructed the Rabbi to do the same. Which we feel was fine because our father didn't even HAVE a middle name.

Quote: Wizard

BTW, I was just cleaning up the office today and came across the permit to transport his ashes across state lines.

I never would have thought you'd need one. International? Sure. But to cross STATE lines? Weird.

Quote: DJTeddyBear

My mother passed away last year. I thought I had asked all the questions I could think of.

My mother was born in 1925. In 1930, the
first year of the Depression, her mother
left home and never returned. My grandfather
had no job and went to live with his parents
and took his two daughters with him. His
dad lost his job and with nobody working
they had to put the two young girls in a
state orphanage for two years. It must have
been awful for my mother and aunt. I wish
I had asked more about that.

I came across a pic of my grandmother taken
about 1927. She's wearing jeans and has her
foot on the bumper of a car. She's maybe
25 or so. She was very good looking. I wonder
if she used the Depression as an excuse to
abandon her family so she could have men
pay attention to her again. Men and women
abandoning their families was rampant in the
30's.

Fathers Day tomorrow. This is a pic of my
dad from 1937 when he was stationed in
San Diego. It wasn't a real bar, they had
places like this that had props so sailors
could get their pics taken. He was later
stationed at Pearl when the Japs attacked.
He was on leave that weekend so he missed
it. The ship he was on wasn't damaged
much.

Bob, your dad looks like a cool cat. Thanks for sharing this and your beautiful reflections about him. This is my second Father's Day without my dad and I sure do miss him a lot.