For the Ladies

I think there's at least two of you here, so here goes. And I know this is dumb and goofy, but really... I need to understand this.

I'm a guy, so I'm sloppy. I'm not a slob, I just don't care much for pristine living conditions. I mean, I'm a guy. The most important thing to a guy is efficiency.

I leave my sunglasses on the counter. No big deal. They're there, so every time I perchance use my truck, I can't forget them. Same with the keys, they'll be on the counter with them. And this general idea pervades my entire existence. Pants off on the floor at the end of the bed, so they're right there to put on in the morning. Blanket thrown on the chair, so it's ready to go like the pants. Make the bed? For what? Ain't nobody gonna see it, and really, neither will I. I just jump in at night and leave it in the morning. Who cares?

Laundry, same thing. Pile and pile and pile until you're out, then bang out a few loads and start over. Remember, every job requires prep, so the more times you do it, the more time you're wasting. One prep for one big job; none of this "many preps for a hundred small ones". It's inefficient, and a huge waste of time.

When you get a partner, things change. And I find it fascinating how they change. Suddenly, every thing is just picked up. The house is spotless. Bed is made, dishes are washed instantly, a shirt dirtied at work is cleaned, dried, and hung before the next day. And the response we get when this is questioned? "Because I love you, I like taking care of you".

Perfect. Simple, easy, elegant. I understand this. But over time, things change, as things are wont to do. I think I've got the progression nailed. It goes something like this...

"Because I love you, I like taking care of you"
"Because I need to take care of you"
"Because you need taken care of"
"Because it needs to be done"
"Because I do everything around here"
"WHY DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING?!"

I don't even need this explained. I get it. I mean I don't, not really, but I pretty much assume you all get crazy about things are crazy. I don't need to understand your crazy (intentional use of possessive "your"); just recognizing it satisfies me.

But what I do not get, is that in all the times I've had this "house cleanliness" argument (and I've had it several times with every single girl I've ever cohabited with), why is it that you never realize that our "laziness" is actually a finely crafted, customized piece of time management, and in reality, it is YOU that have been f$%^ ing up our world for many months and/or years. From the very beginning. And we never say a peep about it! Not a once! We just dig in drawers and search in closets, not only wasting countless minutes we'll never get back, but totally throwing us off of our mental schedule. A schedule that we already find very hard to maintain.

Asking us "why we never do" is exactly the same as saying "OMG, why you gotta eat every single day?!" or "OMG, all you ever do is sleep from 12a to 8a!"

The clutter management system is a biological imperative. Between that girl behind the counter at the parts store, the accomplishments and failures of the local sports team, that new toy we pine for, and that elk steak we have in the fridge, there is precious little brain power left for us to even manage not peeing ourselves hourly, let alone actually being productive. But productive we are, often times amazingly so, all things considered. Your interference is crippling; it's a constant uphill battle as the very foundation we build upon is swept asunder, day in, and day out. And as you bring us to our knees and make us all but worthless with your constant arrangements and organizations, what is our only response? "Aw, thank you, dear".

We recognize your crazy, and accept that you're crazy. So why in the name of all that is holy cannot you recognize ours? The Phillips head screwdriver amongst the butter knives is not for you to understand. Just accept it. The can of PB Blaster next to the peanut butter is not an offense to your womanhood. Just accept it. Never in the history of ever have a pair of sweatpants tossed across the back of a chair caused cancer, miscarriage, hammer toes, or the vapors. So why do you risk domestic harmony and your very sanity in a battle to never see them there again?

Why don't we ever do anything? Because you forced it. Why do you do that to yourselves?

so she moved your keys, eh?

You let her leave the kitchen…?

You actually eat every day?

I've never had a long-lasting relationship. Sorry. I tend to be rather messy myself, a consequence of having been raised in a household with two maids who picked up after me (and everyone else).

When I cook I do wash everything and put everything away, but not necessarily right away. some things I use frequently I never put away. The coffee jar is always on the counter, next to the electric teapot. If I'm going to use something soon, I leave it out as well. So for instance I'll dry the cutting board after cooking lunch for the week and leave it out for making dinner a couple of hours later.

There are two pans I absolutely love having. These I clean at once, dry soon and put away immediately.

Quote: Face

The Phillips head screwdriver amongst the butter knives is not for you to understand.

Oh, I understand you'd better not put tools among the cutlery.

Quote:

The can of PB Blaster next to the peanut butter

I don't even know what that is.

Quote: odiousgambit

so she moved your keys, eh?

Love it! 😊

Quote: aceofspades

You let her leave the kitchen…?

Yep, so she could unload the washer and toss the stuff in the dryer :-)

This is an easy one. Women are compelled
to do what they do, we are not. They hate
making the bed, picking up clothes, loading
the dishwasher, doing laundry, running the
vac, and all the other crap they feel compelled
to do on a regular basis. They hate it yet they
do it.

They think if their outside world is clean and
orderly and tidy, they will be the same on the
inside. They won't be nuts, in other words. Men
suffer under no such delusions. We know life
is too short to spend half of it tidying up. That's
why were the ones who get things done, we
don't let the unimportant stuff slow us down.

A famous feminist said if women ran the world,
humans would still be living in grass huts because
nothing important would ever get done. And
when a woman screams at you about her having
to do everything, what she's really saying is why
can't you be more like her and less like you.

I guess I never realized how good I have it, my wife is a slob too. Lol

For a woman, everything is about appearances.
And that includes her house or living quarters.
She knows people will judge her (meaning other
women will judge her) unless she is relentless
about keeping everything tidy and spotless.
Men have no such curse, we judge men on
how they treat us, not on how clean their
kitchen and car is.