Trump jokes

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February 1st, 2017 at 2:48:55 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
I find it easier to adapt jokes told for other purposes. In an ironic twist, some were "ethnic" jokes.

Q: When is Trump 2 feet tall?
A: When he's had the shit scared out of him.


Q: How can Trump most easily kill himself?
A: By jumping off his ego.


Q: How many trumps does it take to screw-in a light bulb?
A: Trick question. You can't literally screw a light bulb.


More as I think of them.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 1st, 2017 at 6:37:24 PM permalink
stinkingliberal
Member since: Nov 9, 2016
Threads: 17
Posts: 731
"Donald Trump is President."

Surely the cruelest practical joke of all time. Other than the man himself, perhaps.
February 1st, 2017 at 6:48:38 PM permalink
rxwine
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 115
Posts: 4731
This is not technically a joke, and could even be an actuality.

If Trump is running again in 3 years, one of his opponent's campaign promises may be, "Do want to wake up every morning and not wonder what the hell your President is going to say or do next? Then vote for me!"
No one has ever proven I am not God.
February 1st, 2017 at 8:43:49 PM permalink
buzzardknot
Member since: Mar 16, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 493
And yet if he does run, he will win by a bigger EC margin than this election. Despite not having a candidate as miserable as Hillary.
Wonder if Pocahontas will be the Democrat's standard bearer ?
February 2nd, 2017 at 4:10:23 AM permalink
AZDuffman
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 98
Posts: 6185
Quote: buzzardknot
And yet if he does run, he will win by a bigger EC margin than this election. Despite not having a candidate as miserable as Hillary.
Wonder if Pocahontas will be the Democrat's standard bearer ?


They want her, but she seems reluctant to step up for it. The DNC is probably busy looking for a non-white, trans-gender person to run to make sure all the party factions are happy.
The man who damns money has obtained it dishonorably; the man who respects it has earned it
February 2nd, 2017 at 6:49:26 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
Quote: rxwine
This is not technically a joke, and could even be an actuality.

If Trump is running again in 3 years, one of his opponent's campaign promises may be, "Do want to wake up every morning and not wonder what the hell your President is going to say or do next? Then vote for me!"


And now to turn it into a joke:

Q: Why do people call Trump's successor "The Tractor"?
A: Because he's taking over from the jackass.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 2nd, 2017 at 9:14:18 AM permalink
RonC
Member since: Nov 7, 2012
Threads: 6
Posts: 515
"WASHINGTON — President Trump is considering rescinding an executive order temporarily barring people traveling to the United States from seven Muslim-majority countries, after he saw a story highlighting a gorgeous Iranian woman that he “absolutely had to grab,” sources confirmed.

According to senior White House sources, the President was watching his favorite shows when he came across a report on a young, buxom Iranian student affected by the ban. “Look at that broad,” a source quoted Trump as saying. “She’s like a Persian Melania — and those tits.”

Read more: http://www.duffelblog.com/2017/02/groundhog-day-pentagon/#ixzz4XY6Lf5e8
...While Mr. Wolf smoked opium and grinned at Mama Bear
February 2nd, 2017 at 10:45:22 AM permalink
odiousgambit
Member since: Oct 28, 2012
Threads: 71
Posts: 1509
Just check 'the onion' everyday

http://www.theonion.com/article/trump-hails-gorsuch-fierce-protector-future-amendm-55201
Mustard:You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet? Sure, I'll eat anything [from movie]
February 2nd, 2017 at 11:37:57 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 312
Posts: 10510
I don't recall, have I told the brain store joke before?

Meantime:

A plane carrying Trump, Pence and Putin crashes in the Rockies. There are no survivors. Who is saved?

Answer: The whole fucking planet.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
February 2nd, 2017 at 12:18:03 PM permalink
buzzardknot
Member since: Mar 16, 2015
Threads: 7
Posts: 493
Stick to cooking, sweetheart. Comedy writing is not your strong suit.
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