Physics, math, science and science fiction jokes

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May 16th, 2017 at 1:01:43 PM permalink
Face
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I'm sure you've heard of a soup stone...

It's mostly a country-folk thing, but in the long ago, folks would cook soup with rocks. Or a rock. The soup stone. I guess it all began as one of those fables about some wanderers tricking folks into giving up wares for this miracle soup, but I always knew it as a folksy enhancer. Kind of like a cast iron pot, it got better with age and use. Often soup stones would be passed down for millennia, from one mother to the next.

Anyway, though this tale has largely fallen from knowledge, it still exists. In fact, a government operation found an area in which a large percentage of the population still engaged in soup stone cooking. Oddly, this operation was NASA.

It's sort of an odd combo, as what NASA was doing there was collecting ancient moon rocks, believed to have been created when the moon was first formed. Even odder still, they found that although the presence of "moon rocks" was scant, almost all the connoisseurs of stone soup used these specific rocks alone. This could not be coincidence as the numbers to measure the random probability was on par with seeing 18yo's in a row. There had to be an explanation. Maybe it was nothing more than some innocent superstition; since they were not from this world, maybe folks attached to them as precious? But upon asking, no one around had any attachment to the rare. Perhaps some trace minerals that were attractive to the human palate? But upon checking, it was found they were just as inert as any other rock.

It was such a maddening conundrum that one of the scientist broke protocol and confronted a family in town. He asked if they knew they were "eating" moon rocks, and was floored when they stated sure as day is light that they knew they were. He asked what special magic they had, to which the simple country folk laughed him off. "Ain't no magic 'round here, fella. Just rocks." Up one list and down the other he asked as many questions as he could - was it religious? Did they think they were magic? Did they think they had special properties? Do they just think it's a cool thing to do? But again and again and again, the simpleton just laughed him off. "T'aint nothing but a rock, fella!"

The scientist, exhausted and exasperated, gave up his questioning. Reaching for a rock off the ground, he tossed it to the man and offered that he'd like to try a bowl. The hick slapped it out of the air. "We only use moon rocks in our stone soup." "But WHY?!" the scientist demanded. "You have to tell me the secret!"

"Tain't no goddamn secret" the hick said. "You of all people should know that we jus' use 'em because..."

moon rocks are a little meteor
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
May 16th, 2017 at 3:02:47 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
Posts: 11750
Quote: Face
I'm sure you've heard of a soup stone...


1) Well, at least you didn't say "cheese." (though I thought it was cute when Wallace and Gromit went to the Moon on a "cheese vacation.")

2) If we ever meet and you want to tell a joke, try to keep it short.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
May 16th, 2017 at 4:10:43 PM permalink
Face
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Quote: Nareed

2) If we ever meet and you want to tell a joke, try to keep it short.


I was trying specifically for a shaggy dog, but ran out of steam midway =/
Be bold and risk defeat, or be cautious and encourage it.
May 16th, 2017 at 4:19:23 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
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Quote: Face
I was trying specifically for a shaggy dog, but ran out of steam midway =/


As I said, at least it wasn't cheesy :)

But puns shouldn't be punch lines in shaggy dog stories, unless there are several mini-jokes scattered around in the telling.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
May 17th, 2017 at 8:17:35 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
Posts: 11750
I don't think I've brought this one up:

Two brothers buy a cattle ranch and ask their father to name it.

He names it "Focus." When asked why he explains:

That's where the Sun's rays meet.



Explanation after the pointless empty space

empty space







more empty space







yet more empty space


Sun's rays meet = Sons raise meat.
<groan>
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
May 26th, 2017 at 3:09:51 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
Posts: 11750
Did you hear about the photon who was dating two mesons at the same time?

It all worked very well, until one told him a funny joke, the other a sad story, and it was the laughter that got entangled.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
May 26th, 2017 at 3:48:36 PM permalink
Mosca
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 18
Posts: 426
Out of beer? Simple solution. Just pour your root beer into a square glass.
May 27th, 2017 at 10:29:24 AM permalink
Pacomartin
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
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Quote: Nareed
He names it "Focus." When asked why he explains:
That's where the Sun's rays meet.

That is a difficult joke to read as it is entirely verbal.
May 29th, 2017 at 7:59:46 AM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
Posts: 11750
Quote: Pacomartin
That is a difficult joke to read as it is entirely verbal.


It gets worse. Like the Englishman who criticized a politician on the grounds that he cared more for jails than goals.

Say what? Well, in British English, jail is spelled G-A-O-L.

This one has to be written as "more about gaols than goals.



Moving on:

Nuclear fusion reactors for commercial use are two decades away, just as they were 20 years ago.
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
May 29th, 2017 at 1:40:21 PM permalink
Nareed
Member since: Oct 24, 2012
Threads: 332
Posts: 11750
Quote: Mosca
Out of beer? Simple solution. Just pour your root beer into a square glass.


But what happens when you run out of root beer?
If Trump where half as smart as he thinks he is, he'd be twice as smart as he really is.
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